How to inspire happiness and boost self-love!
Ahh, February...the month of LOVE! With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, you might be rummaging through your closet trying to find the perfect dress, making fancy dinner reservations, and secretly Googling “the best gift ideas” for your significant other. A new watch? A box of chocolates? A puppy?
Or perhaps you’re making plans to spend Galentines Day at home with your closest girlfriends, sharing a bottle of wine in your most comfortable and cozy pajamas. After all, nothing says love like your best amigas and Chinese takeout. Cue the rom coms starring Ashton Kutcher!
It's true, Valentine’s Day may be the most romantic day of the year. But, the sugar-laden, heart-shaped holiday is also a beautiful reminder to take time for yourself and consider your own emotions in the midst of all the sweet nothings. Because loving yourself is the most important thing you can do for your relationship.
"The most important thing in life is self-love,
because if you don't have self-love,
and respect for everything about
your own body,
your own soul,
your own capsule,
then how can you have an authentic
relationship with anyone else?"
— Shailene Woodley
Why Self-Love is Important in Your Relationships
A recent study from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology shows that individuals with negative self-talk have less satisfying relationships and tend to underestimate the strength of their partner’s love. Sounds like a recipe for heartbreak, right?
Yep. That’s because it kinda is!
Research shows that when you feel bad about yourself, your insecurities start to creep into your relationship, causing conflict, dependency and toxic energy. Seeking approval from your significant other can lead you to sacrifice your needs to please and accommodate them. Then, because your needs don’t get met, you become unhappy.
When we don't feel good enough, lovable enough, smart enough, anything enough, our default is to subconsciously try to get someone else to make us feel this way. But by seeking love and affirmation from others, we end up draining our energy, becoming needy and putting uncomfortable pressure on the people in our life.
Translation? We accidentally push the people we love away!
"Your self-worth is determined by you.
You don’t have to depend on
someone telling you who you are."
— Beyoncé Knowles
What It Really Means to Love Yourself (Unconditionally)
Instead of seeking love and affirmation from others, self-love teaches us to look within ourselves, honouring our own unique strengths and weaknesses and making peace with who we truly are.
Self-love is about developing a core set of values, an unshakeable foundation and a deep intimacy that can only come from knowing and accepting who you are, who you have been, and who you still wish to become.
Self-love is about becoming the master of your emotions and retraining your brain to create positive thought patterns. When we are at our personal best, that gives us the opportunity to be wholly present in our relationships. We can support, encourage and sustain others without expecting anything in return because we already feel complete.
What Does Self-Love Look Like in a Relationship?
1. Speaking up when something is not working
When you love yourself, you’re not constantly seeking approval or afraid to say something that might make your partner think less of you. You’re confident enough to talk about what’s not working in your relationship, assert healthy boundaries, ask for what you want, and set limits on what you don’t want.
2. Making more time for yourself
When you’re driven to do things for your partner solely because you want to impress them, you wind up doing too much, feeling overwhelmed, and constantly finding yourself unable to say no. Self-love means doing activities and tasks that you truly want to do, just for you. It means filling your own cup first, so you can fill others’ cups without resentment.
3. Knowing when to move on
When your love is not being returned or you feel disrespected by your partner, you know it’s time to move on. You love who you are, no matter what rude or awful things your partner has said, and you know you deserve better — there’s no question!
4. No hiding or holding back
If you want to do something or act a certain way, you don’t hide it or hold back from your partner. Want to start pole dancing? Go for it! Wish you could be louder and more vocal in the bedroom? Do it! Feel like taking up pottery, trying a new yoga class or dying your hair red? There’s nothing stopping you! Self-love means being 100%, completely and authentically YOU.
5. Less criticism
Your thoughts and feelings about yourself influence your natural tendency to criticize your partner. For example, if you’re feeling insecure about your body weight, you might lash out at your partner when he or she decides to join a gym, cut dairy from their diet, or start drinking green juice. When we’re lacking self-love and kindness, sometimes we get defensive and blame others for our perceived flaws.
"My great hope for us as young women is to start being kinder to ourselves
so that we can be kinder to each other. To stop shaming
ourselves and other people. There's a sense that we're all '
too' something, and we're all not enough. This is life.
Our bodies change. Our minds change. Our hearts change.
I hope we can be supportive of each other."
— Emma Stone.
Practicing BKTY (Be Kind To Yourself) can help reprogram your negative beliefs and be a more loving, supportive partner. Our BKTY cards aim to inspire and support daily practices of self-love and self-kindness.
Want to boost your self-love and improve your relationships? Check out our philosophy or follow us on Instagram for more reminders, tips, insights, and inspiration!
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